[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
mightily, and exchanged one of those infuriatingly knowing adult looks with my
mum. 'I don't think that's very likely, Prentice, but if I do . . . '
'Will you ask him if he got my letter?' I said. We reached the place where
everybody was standing around and hugging, and we stopped. 'He'll know what
it's about.'
'I certainly will.' Uncle Rory laughed, squatting down. He made a worse mess
of my hair and gripped both shoulders of my blazer. 'Now you be a good boy and
I'll see you all in a few months.'
He stood up. Him and mum had a brief cuddle, and she kissed him on the cheek.
I turned my face away. I was glad my father wasn't here to see this. How could
they do that sort of thing in public? I had a look round to see if my dad was
watching from behind a potted palm or through holes cut in a newspaper, but he
didn't seem to be.
'Bye, Rory; safe journey.'
'Bye, Mary. Tell Ken I'll call when I can.'
'Will do. Take care now.'
Uncle Rory grinned. 'Yeah.' He squeezed one of her shoulders and winked at her
Page 50
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
again! 'Bye love; see you.'
'Bye.' We watched him show his ticket to the man at the gate, then with one
last wave he was gone.
I turned to mum. 'Mum, can I have some more money for the Star Wars machine?'
I pointed at the video games. 'I got through three stages last time and I
almost got to the fourth; I think I know how to deal with the big towers now
and I'm getting really good at - '
'I think you've had quite enough of that machine, Prentice,' mum said, as we
walked away through the people. We were heading for the stairs. I tried to
pull her towards the row of video games.
'Aw, mum, please; come on; I'll let you watch if you like.'
You will let me play the machine. You will let me play the machine.
She had the nerve to laugh. 'That's very kind of you, Prentice, but I'll pass
on that. We have to get back home.'
'Can I go home on the train mum, please can I?'
You will let your son take the train home. You will let your son Prentice take
the train home.
file:///F|/rah/Iain%20Banks/Banks,%20Iain%20-%20The%20Crow%20Road.txt (39 of
187) [5/21/03 1:52:23 AM]
file:///F|/rah/Iain%20Banks/Banks,%20Iain%20-%20The%20Crow%20Road.txt
'Something wrong with my driving, you wee rascal?'
'No mum, but can I please?'
'No, Prentice; we'll take the car.'
'Aww, but mum . . . '
'Will I buy you a book?' Mum stopped near the bookshop. 'Would you like that?'
'There's a Judge Dredd annual out,' I said helpfully.
She tssked. 'Oh, I suppose, if it'll keep you quiet. . . '
While she paid for it, I went to the pile of dad's books, and when nobody was
looking I tore a couple of pages in one book, then put a load of somebody
else's books over the top of dad's, so that nobody could see them.
How dare he take the stories he'd told me and Lewis and James and the others
and tell them to other people, to strangers? They were ours; they were mine!
'Come on, terror,' mum said.
A hand between my shoulder blades propelled me from the shop. But at least it
wasn't the
Vulcan Death Grip.
You will change your mind about letting your son take the train.
Mrs Mary McHoan, you will change your mind about letting your son Prentice
take the train home. . . and about playing the Star Wars machine. . .
*
'I mean, nobody tells you sex is going to be so noisy, do they? I mean, they
can be quite specific about the actual act itself; there is no gory detail, no
technical nuance that is not gone into, by teachers or parents or books about
sex or the Joy of LURVE or television programmes or just the boys or girls in
the year above you at school telling you behind the bike sheds, BUT NOBODY
TELLS
YOU ABOUT THE NOISE!
'They don't! The first time I ever got laid it was the summer, it was hot, we
were doing it naked in the old missionary position, and there I was, trying to
pretend I'd been doing this for years, and thinking am I doing this right? Was
that enough foreplay, did I devote sufficient time to going down on her or did
it look like I was doing it because I read you ought to in
Cosmopolitan . . . and I did want to spend more time down there, but my neck
was getting sore . .
. and I'm thinking should I start chewing the other earlobe now, and should I
sort of pull back so
I can get my mouth to her nipples, because I'd like to suck them; I would, but
my neck's still sore, and just as I'm thinking about all this, and still
Page 51
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
trying to think about putting this MFI
kitchen unit together to stop myself from coming too soon but it isn't working
any more more because I keep thinking of screws and pre-drilled holes and male
and female parts and I'm stroking her and it's great and she's panting and I'm
panting and then, just then, from in between our two naked, heaving bodies,
THERE IS A NOISE LIKE A RHINOCEROS FARTING!
'There is the noise of a fart the like of which you have never heard in your
life before; it echoes off nearby tall buildings; it leaves your ears ringing;
little old half-deaf ladies three streets away run to the broom cupboard and
start hammering on the ceiling and threatening their upstairs neighbours with
the Noise Abatement Society. I mean, a Loud Fart, okay?
'And she is laughing and you don't know what to do; you try to keep going but
it happens again and she's in hysterics and it is all deeply, deeply, deeply
embarrassing, and you keep going but there's this constant farting noise
caused by all the sweat and it just isn't the same any more and you're
thinking why didn't they tell me about this? Why wasn't I told? I mean, do
other people put a towel in between them, or what?
' . . . And you come eventually and after a cuddle and you've whispered a few
sweet somethings, you withdraw, holding the old johnny on because that's what
it says on the packet after all, and you go to the loo to dispose of the
horrible dangly greasy thing and you have a very full bladder by now and you [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl aikidobyd.xlx.pl
mightily, and exchanged one of those infuriatingly knowing adult looks with my
mum. 'I don't think that's very likely, Prentice, but if I do . . . '
'Will you ask him if he got my letter?' I said. We reached the place where
everybody was standing around and hugging, and we stopped. 'He'll know what
it's about.'
'I certainly will.' Uncle Rory laughed, squatting down. He made a worse mess
of my hair and gripped both shoulders of my blazer. 'Now you be a good boy and
I'll see you all in a few months.'
He stood up. Him and mum had a brief cuddle, and she kissed him on the cheek.
I turned my face away. I was glad my father wasn't here to see this. How could
they do that sort of thing in public? I had a look round to see if my dad was
watching from behind a potted palm or through holes cut in a newspaper, but he
didn't seem to be.
'Bye, Rory; safe journey.'
'Bye, Mary. Tell Ken I'll call when I can.'
'Will do. Take care now.'
Uncle Rory grinned. 'Yeah.' He squeezed one of her shoulders and winked at her
Page 50
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
again! 'Bye love; see you.'
'Bye.' We watched him show his ticket to the man at the gate, then with one
last wave he was gone.
I turned to mum. 'Mum, can I have some more money for the Star Wars machine?'
I pointed at the video games. 'I got through three stages last time and I
almost got to the fourth; I think I know how to deal with the big towers now
and I'm getting really good at - '
'I think you've had quite enough of that machine, Prentice,' mum said, as we
walked away through the people. We were heading for the stairs. I tried to
pull her towards the row of video games.
'Aw, mum, please; come on; I'll let you watch if you like.'
You will let me play the machine. You will let me play the machine.
She had the nerve to laugh. 'That's very kind of you, Prentice, but I'll pass
on that. We have to get back home.'
'Can I go home on the train mum, please can I?'
You will let your son take the train home. You will let your son Prentice take
the train home.
file:///F|/rah/Iain%20Banks/Banks,%20Iain%20-%20The%20Crow%20Road.txt (39 of
187) [5/21/03 1:52:23 AM]
file:///F|/rah/Iain%20Banks/Banks,%20Iain%20-%20The%20Crow%20Road.txt
'Something wrong with my driving, you wee rascal?'
'No mum, but can I please?'
'No, Prentice; we'll take the car.'
'Aww, but mum . . . '
'Will I buy you a book?' Mum stopped near the bookshop. 'Would you like that?'
'There's a Judge Dredd annual out,' I said helpfully.
She tssked. 'Oh, I suppose, if it'll keep you quiet. . . '
While she paid for it, I went to the pile of dad's books, and when nobody was
looking I tore a couple of pages in one book, then put a load of somebody
else's books over the top of dad's, so that nobody could see them.
How dare he take the stories he'd told me and Lewis and James and the others
and tell them to other people, to strangers? They were ours; they were mine!
'Come on, terror,' mum said.
A hand between my shoulder blades propelled me from the shop. But at least it
wasn't the
Vulcan Death Grip.
You will change your mind about letting your son take the train.
Mrs Mary McHoan, you will change your mind about letting your son Prentice
take the train home. . . and about playing the Star Wars machine. . .
*
'I mean, nobody tells you sex is going to be so noisy, do they? I mean, they
can be quite specific about the actual act itself; there is no gory detail, no
technical nuance that is not gone into, by teachers or parents or books about
sex or the Joy of LURVE or television programmes or just the boys or girls in
the year above you at school telling you behind the bike sheds, BUT NOBODY
TELLS
YOU ABOUT THE NOISE!
'They don't! The first time I ever got laid it was the summer, it was hot, we
were doing it naked in the old missionary position, and there I was, trying to
pretend I'd been doing this for years, and thinking am I doing this right? Was
that enough foreplay, did I devote sufficient time to going down on her or did
it look like I was doing it because I read you ought to in
Cosmopolitan . . . and I did want to spend more time down there, but my neck
was getting sore . .
. and I'm thinking should I start chewing the other earlobe now, and should I
sort of pull back so
I can get my mouth to her nipples, because I'd like to suck them; I would, but
my neck's still sore, and just as I'm thinking about all this, and still
Page 51
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
trying to think about putting this MFI
kitchen unit together to stop myself from coming too soon but it isn't working
any more more because I keep thinking of screws and pre-drilled holes and male
and female parts and I'm stroking her and it's great and she's panting and I'm
panting and then, just then, from in between our two naked, heaving bodies,
THERE IS A NOISE LIKE A RHINOCEROS FARTING!
'There is the noise of a fart the like of which you have never heard in your
life before; it echoes off nearby tall buildings; it leaves your ears ringing;
little old half-deaf ladies three streets away run to the broom cupboard and
start hammering on the ceiling and threatening their upstairs neighbours with
the Noise Abatement Society. I mean, a Loud Fart, okay?
'And she is laughing and you don't know what to do; you try to keep going but
it happens again and she's in hysterics and it is all deeply, deeply, deeply
embarrassing, and you keep going but there's this constant farting noise
caused by all the sweat and it just isn't the same any more and you're
thinking why didn't they tell me about this? Why wasn't I told? I mean, do
other people put a towel in between them, or what?
' . . . And you come eventually and after a cuddle and you've whispered a few
sweet somethings, you withdraw, holding the old johnny on because that's what
it says on the packet after all, and you go to the loo to dispose of the
horrible dangly greasy thing and you have a very full bladder by now and you [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]